“To oppose something, is to maintain it.”
-Ursula K. Leguin
Wow, I needed to hear this! It never ceases to amaze me how subtle, unexpected wisdom can filter in, when it’s least expected. Of course we must always remain open and ready to accept such tidings.
I’m not one to get preachy, but one simple phrase echoes in my mind,
“Rely not on your own understanding…”
We are egotistical creatures, full of ourselves and pride, therefore, this phrase is easily lost.
Whether you are a person of faith or not, it’s pretty clear that there are forces at work that are infinitely bigger and smaller than us, as a whole. If that wasn’t true, we’d have all the answers, and we simply…don’t.
Oddly enough, I believe when we rely on our own understanding, and that $200,000+ degree, we create the very boundaries we are trying to escape or expand.
We can be ‘onto’ something, hell, we can solve a huge crisis or problem. We can be the most “right” we’ve ever been, but if we don’t remain humble and realize that to solve one problem only leads to 10 more, happily waiting, problems, then we’re always going to be rather disappointed. We just drew the boundary lines and created our own personal cage.
To have expectations of any kind, quite literally, is the lock which enslaves us in the cage we built for ourselves.
“In the process of defining myself, I have a tendency to set up rules and boundaries and then forget that rules are made to be broken, as are boundaries made to be expanded and crossed.”
-Kathleen Casey Theisen
I am a seeker of truth, therefore, I question everything. I am a seeker of justice, therefore, I have deep, unfading, convictions. Yet there are times, like lately, when I become overwhelmed and burdened by my own ideas of what truth and justice is, even when I know or believe, I’m right.
There comes a point, in any endeavor, when we must let go of everything. Let go of the endeavor itself, let go of possible outcomes, let go of our, selfcreated, description and definitions of who we think we are.
A difficult concept for most, but the truth is, we are not the endeavor, nor are we defined by it, regardless of what our egotistical minds tell us. We are simply the witness of the endeavor. If we equate ourselves as anything more than that, we’ve already failed. It’s the very reason people feel down, even after they’ve achieved something, long anticipated. It becomes anticlimactic, or can become so, when we place an irreplaceable weight on our role in this measure of time.
This isn’t to say that we aren’t unique and special, or that our contributions; often gleaned from education and experience, aren’t life changing, on the most epic level. I am grateful for Pythagorus, Aristotle, Einstein and Hawking. I am grateful for Dickens, London, Proust, Hawthorne, Shakespeare and Shaw. Don’t even get me started on musicians, dancers and artists. I do believe though, that every great mind has a deep sense of humility. A sense that there are answers staring us squarely in the face, yet we haven’t the capacity to grasp them. This is a truth, regardless of ones level of brain capacity or development. It is a truth, regardless of where you are in your journey.
We all have something to bring to the table, however big or small, and it’s all necessary. It’s when we as individuals deem others, for whatever reason, as unworthy or obsolete, that we enslave ourselves in the limitations of our own making.
Like my situation, for example. I am awaiting decisions that will be life changing, for myself, as well as, my children. Decisions that will be made by other people, therefore, at this stage, it’s truly out of my control.
I tell myself, everyday, to remain humble and void of expectations, but let’s face it, it’s way easier said than done. It has become a profound opportunity for personal growth, and growth isn’t always a pleasant process.
I want to let go of expectations because I don’t want to put limitations on how incredibly and beautifully life changing this event could be for me….which, it already has been. I want to let go of my impatience; which, in this case, is nothing more than an irrational desire to control time, because it too is an opportunity for profound growth, such as these realizations.
Staying in opposition with either one of these laws of nature is bound to cause discomfort.
It was a long walk across a dark room, but I finally found the switch and the lights are on and I’m back to a functional capacity. Now to proceed, one step at a time.
Gratefully letting go,
🍀The Crazy Celt 💚